Lost, can I be found?

Had a dream last night; or very early this morning rather. I was walking on a city street. My son was with me, and I couldn't remember were I had parked the car. I was lost. My son decided to keep walking forward; very sure he would be safe! My daughter was behind me; whereever my car was. I had to find her! I had to stop him!! I was LOST! I had a GPS in my hand, but it was of no use; as I didnt know where I was. Then a man appeared and spoke to me. He said "Everyone has a built in GPS chip; you are not lost to ME! Have faith you will find your way. Go get your son, as he is not ready to be on his own. Then walk the path that is before you. Do not stray. You will find what you are looking for." I awoke with such sadness that I had lost my daughter and my son. Then I realized that they were not lost. I was the one that was lost; as I am to guide them in the way they should go. How can I lead my children, if I do not know where I am going. This dream was an insight to what I need to do. I need to stay on the path before me. I need not stray. I will find what I am looking for. What am I looking for? Will I know it when I see it? I will walk and not stray, and see where it leads me. Thank you Jesus!!

well, the new year is half over and i havent been true to me at all. i am still working for pennies, i have not gotten enrolled in school, and my prayer life is next to nothing. i also havent been taking great care of my body either. i know that i should eat more regularly and control my portions, exercise and drink plenty of water, but who has the time to remember all of that; especially when you are trying to figure out other things like, how the bills are going to get paid, your car is going to get fixed, the title is going to get paid, daycamp and field trips paid... the list goes on. there is good news though.. the one thing i have been waiting for for a very long time finally happened. so, this year is a good year. i have a loving and supportive church family, i have a job, my children are happy and healthy...so things are not as bad as they seem.. so i should just pray, let go and let God!!!

Socks cont.

ok. so, i am 1/5 done with my first sock and i havent touched them since. i havent been in the mood to do much knitting. not to mention, i have had to work every night this week and i have been home during the days with the children. these socks need lots of concentration and with them running around crazy, i havent had the courage to work on them. i am hoping to work on them at some point this weekend. i work on saturday night, so not sure if it will be tomorrow, but we will see. i know i was very excited and proud of myself when i finished the first diamond and i know that i will be even more excited to complete the next one.

Sock, yes finally Socks!!

ok! so; yes, it has been a long time since my last post. so, why you ask, well there really hasnt been much going on to write about; so instead of just blabbering about nothing i choose not to write. well, now i have something to write about. SOCKS!!! yes socks. i have started my first pair of socks finally. i started them on saturday 12-12-09 with my local knitting group. there is a member of the group that has been knitting forever, and she has so graciously offered to knit the socks along with me and give me instructions as needed. i have chosen a toe up sock with some lace detailing as to not get bored. i purchased my yarn from www.knittersbrewing.com and the pattern came for free (not a bad deal at all). i am making the girls best friend sock. so, on saturday, i wound my yarn and learned to 2 new techniques. i learned the 2 needles cast-on, yes i am making them on 2 circular needles and not on dpns (double pointed needles) and i learned a new make-one. i managed to finish the toe section of the first sock, what an accomplishment.

Mother's Day

here it is mother's day and yet another year has passed, as i sit at home alone with the children. it is just another day i suppose. this year at least dh has a good reason for not being here; he had to go to his grandmother's funeral. it was yesterday. her passing was totally unexpected. the hardest part for me during this time, is seeing him hurt. he is a strong man not emotional at all. to see him cry and not just tears but sob himself to sleep was the worst part of this whole thing. being that he isnt emotional, he isnt talkative either, and thus i couldnt get him to talk about it with me. he said i wouldnt understand his pain. she practically raised him. well, i too lost my grandmother and it hurt. i loved that woman. i lived with her most of my life, as my mother was very ill - Lupus. she was on 24hr oxygen and tons of medication. not to mention her mental illnesses. so, we (my brothers and i) lived with granny and pops most of my childhood. so, i do understand his pain, but he would never get that. so, i will let him grieve in his own way and just be here when he is done. like i always am. forever faithful. forever strong.

It is April

ok. here we are. it is april and things finally seem to be getting better. we moved to GA in june of 07 and it is now april of 09; almost 2 full years. but there is a light. not a bright light but a light. DH got promoted at work, so now he is making more money, but his schedule is screwed. which doesnt help my job one bit. and he doesnt understand that i need to give my boss a something sortve set to go by. we do our schedules weeks in advance. so, i cant just keep changing things week to week. so frustrating. not to mention i am trying to get promoted. and with out knowing my true availability, it is going to be hard and i my miss it yet again. however, DH finally got a car. yep. he did. from a real car lot with a real loan. it is way more than we wanted to pay but the term is low; so he will have to make do. the car is in both of our names; so it will help and hurt me. what can ya do. DH's other son came to live with us. we are ok. but i am nervous about this as i am on some programs that have some rules and it is hard. but we will make do.

the new year

well the new year has been here for almost a month now and well...
things are still going the same. except for the job. i have relocated to a new store, but not getting any more hours than i was before. then i was given hope for a promotion and that fell through. ugh. things will be better. as i have been given a clear health check this time around. i am back on bc and will be seeing a neurologist soon about my headaches. so that is something good. i am going to try to get healthy. i need to commit to my workouts more. i have been doing loads of knitting and i have completed my first felting project. it turned out so beautifully. i cant wait to make another one. my children are doing great and i love to see them grow and bloom. so, that is it for now. i dont want to get to mushy or icky here. not today.